dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
