I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
