He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
