started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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