girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
