I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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