I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
