He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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