YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
