i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
