Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I love having hate sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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