found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
