i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize