This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
