I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
