Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
