I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
