Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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