Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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