I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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