Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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