girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
