i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
