She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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