You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
