Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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