I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
