He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
