Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize