I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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