i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
