On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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