Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
