My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
