I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
