He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
