Buhtt sex?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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