Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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