I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
