I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We got so high we made milksteak
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
