Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
