today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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