you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
