My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
