Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
