It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
