Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
