the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
