i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
