I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
