She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize