So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
