You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize