ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize