Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
