Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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