mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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