as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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