It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You dont lie about slip and slides
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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