I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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