made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
