Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did I show you my penis last night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize