His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
