just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
