Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize