Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
