On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
