just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
