Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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