This is not my ceiling
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
