Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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