HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
