And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize