You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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