I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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