i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
