I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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