Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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