plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
17 year olds will be the death of me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
