sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
