I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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