I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
