he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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