We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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