you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize