You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
