i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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