I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
