I got her a Nickelback box set.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
