You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
