I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize