apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
