Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
