Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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