I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
