is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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