So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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