Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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