Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
