my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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