U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
