Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize