i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
