She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
